It's Been A Minute

I hate that phrase. It’s been a minute. It’s supposed to be a funny, ironic quip, but in fact the irony is that it makes one sound dumb. Picture the stereotypical blonde saying it and you’ll see my point. And no, I’m not the type of person that forms/believes in stereotypes; that one was in existence when I was born. Same way I found the stereotype that paints Kikuyus as a very money-loving community. That one is simply not true. Everyone likes money. Throw a couple of bills in the street and you’ll see what I mean.

I had a very interesting day today. Maybe it’s because I was in a good mood. Or because I begged the weather not to change until I got home and it complied. Or it could be because of the kids in the jav that entertained me all the way home.

I got into an over-priced jav at the stage. I tend to do that; I don’t usually hear the price the kange is busy yelling while at the stage, and by the time I realise it, I’m halfway on my way with no option but to pay. I hustled to get into the jav (read as scrambled) and ended up sitting in a very uncomfortable seat. So when the guy next to me was alighting, I did too in order to get a better place to seat. Only to be thrown into a tornado of children scrambling into the jav with their mother following closely behind. In my panic at losing a seat in a jav that I’d already paid for, I scampered back to my original spot. I ended up sitting next to a group of about 5 very noisy kids, while their mother sat behind us with an infant in her lap. All through the journey, she kept giving stern orders to her very riotous children. “Don’t stick your head out the window!” “Stop hitting your sister!” “Sit DOWN!” It was highly entertaining, especially because we were stuck in Langata road traffic. Those kids were so noisy and mischievous, and the fact that there was age gap of a year or less between each of them only seemed to reinforce that. Moral of the story? Well, I don’t have a moral, but what I’m trying to say is that perhaps the lady would have had much less stress in her life if she had not been so eager to procreate. I know God said fill the world, but he didn’t tell you to do it alone. I’m not judging; I’m just saying.

'Twas the season

‘Twas the season to be jolly,  tralalala lala la la!! Funny how even in Kenya, carols are still about reindeer and a white Christmas. For once, I’d like to hear a carol that’s typically Kenyan, talking about mbuzi and shags, with the words nyama choma, kachumbari and Tusker featuring in it. I know, I know. It’s too late to be having such thoughts now. Or, looking at it from a glass-half-full point of view, it’s really early. So that should give people time to write the ultimate Kenyan carol. We’ll see...

‘Twas the season to forget that the economy was bad and things were thick, and simply let go. Indulgence in life’s debaucheries was at a great high. It’s no wonder that it’s usually hospitals’ busiest time of year. Maybe that’s the reason why I broke my foot. Because ‘twas the season. But all that has passed now and we come back to harsh reality, with shallow pockets and bills to pay, not made easier by the blazing sun glaring in your eyes dawn to dusk. Party rock is no longer in the house. It is now the season to go back to school. Bags filled to capacity, as kids trudge to the bus stop at an academic angle, i.e. when their bag is so heavy that they tilt to one side as you walk. The Bata and Text Book Centre ads don’t help either, they just rub it in deeper. I tend to think that those guys are sadistic little bastards, who enjoy reminding people that January is back, because they are the only ones that make money then.

 It’s not only the kids, though. Everyone has it rough. The early mornings, the late nights, all work and no play, the few strands of hair that turn grey, all that defines the first month of the year. I sometimes think that maybe if Christmas wasn’t at the end of the year, people wouldn’t be so broke come January. Someone really ought to file a petition for the date to be moved to somewhere like July, when there are no public holidays and guys could really use a break. Tunaomba serikali iingile kati...

‘Twas the season when you could say ‘ ‘tis ‘  without judgement. It is now the season to go back to proper grammar.

But even when life is hard, you gotta move on. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. (But when life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic. But that’s a joke for another day. Perhaps when people can afford to smile, literally.)

 2012, I’m here with all the psych in the world. And no, the world is not ending this year. LET’S DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!